I ran the "By George 5K" today, finishing in a time of 21:14 (gun time), which was good enough for the female win. So that was nice.
This race was basically a rustbuster to the nth power. It's been about 5 months since I last raced (5th Avenue Mile in September 2021), and the last few months have been a struggle with weakness, wobbliness, dizziness, and a lack of coordination in my legs that at one point had me running at 12:00 pace. No, it's not MS. And yes, I've heard all about runner's dystonia the last few days, and while what I am experiencing has a lot of similarities, it has two key distinctions - a) I get better the longer I run, and b) I am improving. Slowly, but the trend is the right way.
It's hard to describe exactly what's wrong - at various times it feels like I'm wearing pants that are too tight, or that the ground is moving and bouncing beneath my feet, or that muscles are contracting when they shouldn't, or that one leg is about to collapse on me. The most consistent thing is that my legs simply don't respond very fast to the instructions my brain sends.
The last part tends to make me very nervous about running on uneven pavement or near others or in poor visibility - basically I can't react if I need to catch myself or adjust pace when someone else veers, slows, or clips my heels. And the muscle tension that results from that nervousness just makes my issues worse.
A diagnostic corticosteroid shot near my L5 vertebra just over two weeks ago yielded amazing but short lived results. For a bit over a week, my legs were listening to me again, and I was fine running on sidewalks etc. So that was great and indicated that the issue was likely inflammation in the nerves stemming out of L5 and below.
But the shot's effects were only temporary - yesterday doing a shake out run on sidewalks was a real challenge. Great, just in time for my race.
But I sucked it up and showed up for the race anyway. This race wasn't even about getting a fitness check. I just needed to get out there, and experience a race again, including a mass start and running with others. Racing with others was scary for reasons that had nothing to do with fears of a slow time. So I needed to do it. Immersion therapy. If I fell, I fell.
***
I showed up at Hains Point to be greeted with fantastic weather - low 50s, no wind. Seriously awesome. Threw on my Next%s and went for my warm-up. Only to realize that the Next%s were NOT going to work for me today. Just too unstable, too bouncy - I couldn't trust my own legs in them.
Fortunately, I had brought another pair of shoes with me - my Takumi Sen 8s - lower stack, less bouncy, and with a bit of flexibility that meant I could feel the ground better. So I finished my warm-up sequence in the Next%s as best I could, and then swapped to the Takumi Sens. I did a few strides which felt much better and then lined up to listen to the National Anthem.
This was a small race (50 runners I think). I seeded myself about 3 rows back, when I normally would have been at the front. I honestly wasn't sure how the start was going to go, and 3 rows back wouldn't harm my competitiveness in the race, but it would reduce the chances of me getting in someone's way if I had a bad wobble. Then we started, and I was running a race again for the first time in what seemed like forever.
***
The first 400m or so was an exercise in staying relaxed and calm while running near others, and not letting my gait get too choppy or awkward. It was a lot of mental work to stay relaxed and calm, but I pulled it off. Then things opened up a bit, and I was able to start eyeballing the field ahead. I saw two women ahead of me - one closer, and one further. I could tell that an effort that felt quite controlled and tempo-ish was reeling in the closer woman and staying steady with the further one, so I held that.
After a few minutes, I passed that woman, and then turned my focus to the female leader. I could tell that my effort was still quite easy - definitely not 5K effort, and yet I was slowly gaining ground on her. So I started to work to build my pace. This was hard, not aerobically, but from a coordination perspective. I had an upper limit - if I extended my stride past that point, I'd start wobbling.
I pretty much spent the rest of the race playing with that limit - how fast could I run without losing my coordination (around the half-way mark I passed the woman who was leading the race). I'd work to open up and push a little more, and then I'd start wobbling and I'd have to back off and reset, before going back to work. I found a mini-pack to work with of two guys, and that was helpful too - it forced me to keep my stride coordinated WHILE running with others - exactly the kind of situation I wanted to confront myself with.
There were no mile markers here, so I had set my Garmin to autolap. When it hit mile 3 I tried to kick while staying coordinated. It was honestly really hard, and I mostly couldn't kick. But I made it to the finish having managed to a) speed up a bit while b) not faceplanting and so that was win. In addition to the actual win.
Splits were:
Mile 1: 6:50
Mile 2: 6:53 (180 turn around a cone that I struggled to navigate)
Mile 3: 6:37
last .14: 51 seconds (6:22 pace)
I had half-joked before that my goal for the race was to finish on my feet. And that was only partially a joke. Finishing this race felt like a real achievement. I also wanted to race well, regardless of the time on the clock, and I feel I did that in that I raced calmly, methodically, and with a negative split.
Of course, anytime you race a 5K at what was at one point your marathon pace, it's a bit...I don't even have words for it. But, you have to accept where you are, and also note that where you are doesn't define where you will be. Races are beginnings, not ends. And this was a good step forward.
I'm glad I did this race.
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