MMM Skymall... I love you

(apologies to Underworld for the title)

So, sometimes I have to travel for work.  And I hate it.  I don't like traveling, be it for business or for pleasure.  I'm not particularly into seeing new places, and travel is a massive hassle.  And my idea of a vacation is catching up on all the stuff I don't get to do around home while working.

But, sometimes I have to travel.  And I have to fly.  I'm not a nervous flier, but I hate the whole hurry up and wait aspect of it.  And the planes dehydrate me and my neighbors are annoying and the plane's too cold and they won't let me use my laptop during takeoff/landing etc.

But, there is one thing I LOVE about flying.  Skymall.


From the somewhat questionable safety and security of your airplane seat, you can shop for any number of products sure to improve your life.  And even purchase them while under the influence of lower pressure dry air, before returning to the ground and your senses.

Several of these products are of particular interest to the dedicated athlete.  Here are my favorites.

"Protein Ketchup."  Eat your veggies. 'Nuff said.

 "With the Workout 180 personal gym, you get complete
strength, cardiovascular and stability training with
one compact piece of equipment that is sized perfectly for storage."

Call me crazy, but this doesn't look like it is sized well for storage --
I don't see any part of it that you can use as a clothing rack.

On the other hand, this beauty is the Whole Body Vibration Trainer
(starts at $1250).   Looks like it would work perfectly for storage,
with a rack for hanging clothes plus a low shelf.

Swim parachute.  This actually looks useful for pool-running

"Wake Up On Time Supplement."
Never miss another morning workout!

"Gravity defying shoes"
They feature an "integrated shock absorbing system
enclosed in a specially formulated polymer sole
that absorbs harmful impact and propels you forward
for a more energized and active lifestyle"

-- if you have a lousy track workout with these,
you're clearly a bit overambitious in your goals.

Wind meter
For when you need a documented excuse for
falling apart during your track workout
despite the magic pills and magic shoes.

"Deluxe Exerciser"
They seriously have like 6 different variants on this concept.
Has anyone ever used one of these more than once?

Infrared LED pain reliever -
"the LED light penetrates deep into tissue for
lasting relief from muscle aches"
IMHO, if you buy this, you really don't deserve
to have $159.95 in your pocket anyway.

"ATIS 4500 AB Inversion System" 
Included because no discussion
of Skymall fitness equipment is complete without this. 
Added bonus -- the longer you're inverted, the more likely you are
to forget just how much you spent for this ($429)

And, finally.

"Giddy Up! Core Exerciser."
Comment at will.